I've been feeling rather touchy lately. I try to pay attention to what my way of being in this world is trying to teach me. When I'm feeling more positive I'm able to "just be" but when I'm feeling negative I try to see what is going on that I need to address.....not to eliminate negative from my life because I trust that it's part of life for a good reason to move me along the greater path.
Anyway, this time I might have made a connection that will help in the future. As I'm feeling critical with others around me, seeing faults and irritations, the real issue is not feeling good about myself.
I've spent a lifetime using the actions of others to keep my focus on Them rather than on Me.
I have scheduled myself to attend an info night at a school where I can train to become a therapist. As this night approaches I am becoming nervous, coming up with numerous reasons why I shouldn't attend, and becoming less tolerant of everyone around me.
I am not unusual in my ability to defeat myself at life. I recognize it in others and encourage anyone in this position to push through and just believe in themselves. Of course it is much harder to take one's own advice.
The interesting find in all of this for me this time, is recognizing that when I'm doubting myself I start seeing negative in everyone around me. I hope this will help me in the future to more quickly recognize issues in my own life so I can deal with them instead of masking them in other people's stuff.
I am terrifed of next Tuesday night. I'm afraid it will not be what I hope it to be and then I'll have to search out a new destination, I'm afraid it will be all I hope to be and then I'll have to follow through.
Only 4 more sleeps and then I'll know which fear I get to work on next.
To anyone taking time to read this, thanks for bearing with me, I really wanted to place these thoughts here to remind myself in the future of what I've learned today.
Love and wishes for courage to all, (even my wishes for all of you are based on my own needs;)
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Oh Laurie - your life of wonder continues. I love that you are testing out the possibility of pursuing being a therapist. You are open to the path around you - love the one that led you to the library. One of my favourite places. Your nature and your attentiveness to people, the environment that surrounds you - in all senses of that make you an amazing candidate for that venture. Anyone would be solaced with having you just listen to them and respond with construtive thought as you have been through it! Not just somebody who just read a textbook - you have lived it. This adds such a weight of value to your abilities - don't you forget that.
ReplyDeleteKnow that you are never far from my thoughts. Will be thinking about you tonight as you head forward to test the waters. I think you will find the water is just fine.
Love to you, Mardi